Sometimes I leave the house after the kids go to bed so I can drive around and ugly cry in the dark with no one around. It’s been the most trying last couple months of my entire life and we still don’t have answers. Again, something I wasn’t ready to share but here I am sharing it: we are worried our son, Hart, might have a neurological disorder. And it’s only been 36 hours.Īnd all of this could not have come at a worse time. My poor kids aren’t getting their devoted mother. I sob so much my face stings from the salt from my tears. How can I turn my feelings around so quickly? How can one person decide to utterly ruin me? It’s not fair. What does any of that mean when I can’t have the most basic needs met? It means nothing.

I don’t care about my stupid massive house, I don’t care about my new car, I don’t care about my diamonds. Why did he self-sabotage? And who sends nudies? Doesn’t everyone know better than this in 2019? What drives someone to self-destruct in such a way? I saw the texts – each one represents his decision to throw our marriage in the trash. So what is so broken in him to propel him to do this to me? To us? It wasn’t one mistake, one lapse in judgement. I did nothing except be pregnant with our twins and try to have a healthy pregnancy. I did nothing wrong, I don’t deserve this. A relationship takes two but it doesn’t take two to cheat.

Marriage is hard, we’ve been through our ups and downs, I’ve talked about it openly. I’m as loyal as they come and I wanted the vows we made when we exchanged our rings to be acted upon. Physical or not, he still had an affair and he admits this to me. He paid her off to protect me so I’d never find out.ĭo I believe him? I don’t know. I called Jimmy and he confessed to me that he had exchanged lewd photos with this woman over the course of several months and a physical relationship never existed. I never left a voicemail for the other woman. I found out the same way you guys did: in the tabloids. Now and US Weekly can get those quotes they want and you guys can get the truth. I don’t want to write this but here I am, writing.

Surviving Us by Erin Noelle